We've gotten to the stage lately where we just don't know what to do to bring Jacob home.
We seem to have not left any stones unturned ??
We've tried tv, radio, newspapers, emailing, postering half of the Essex/Cambridgeshire countryside, but noone, NOONE seems to have seen Jacob. I dispair.
What does this mean -? I dare not to think about it.
Does someone know more than they are telling - ?
Is there something someone locally hasn't had the courage to tell us ?
As time moves forward, and we head near to the 9 month mark, it seems like we have to accept somewhere in our our hearts that our boy might not emerge from the mist, and make it back to his sofa and blanket.
This hurts....just how can this be, where do you draw the line of accepting this, or dismissing it in order to carry on.
That's the question.....acceptance of the situation.
Trouble is, the whole situation with Jacob is not of the norm is it ?
Rare breed, highly distinguishable dog goes off in a familair territory to him, on a bright crisp morning, then dissappears into thin air, never to be seen again.
Think about it, how can that be ? What's the chances ?
Farmers, farm workers, gamekeepers assure us there is no evidence of death about, and that they would probably have seen it on their travels on foot and in vehicles if he was trapped somewhere or lying dead.
So on that day, that fated day, where did he go, and why, WHY did he not make it home like the one other time he got lost.
That time he was 5 miles from home, in non familiar surroundings, and yet, having ran off after pheasants at midday, he was scraping the door at 3am for his bed.
I don't understand the logic of a dog finding his way home miles from his home, and yet not being able to find his way home on his doorstep.
What occurred out there that day haunts me, will always haunt me.
I want answers, closure of sorts. I don't mind the pain of the truth, the heartache it would bring on us, hell we've been there and done that a hundred times over.
It's some form of closure -
.....to be able to say goodbye knowing the truth.
I wish we knew. This wound desperately needs to heal.
I wish we knew if he was living with someone else, was happy, content with his new life if he is alive.
Could he be alive ?
Why would he not have been returned to us if he was found locally.
Did someone pick him up and he is living locally ? Is he miles away ?
I can't see it, he would have been seen by now, noone can keep a dog quietly unseen for almost 9 months can they -
.....but then.....
Maybe he was picked up, and the microchip is defunct?
Maybe even he was found on the road, and again the chip wasn't scanning ?
Surely any vet would Google the breed and contact the breed society repsonsible for the dog ?
I would be certain they would do, knowing a distressed owner out there would be charging around in order to find their dog.
There are just so many uncertainities, conspiracy theories, and yes, they still play out over and over in my mind if I let them. I try hard not to - but they are there - lurking in the background, waiting to pounce given half the chance.
I just wish we knew what happened. But sadly as more time seperates us, we realise, or is that try to accept, that perhaps this scenario won't have a happy ending after all.
You lose the will to look on the bright side as time fades, as in your minds eye there is no bright side.
We couldn't have done more to find our boy, we rest assured of that, but on the flip side, we can't let it beat us, this whole situation taught us that perserverance is our biggest strength, and with that we carry on, we email, we tell people, we still pass on posters and flyers to everyone we can do, just to reach out to another few people is perhaps another 20 or more who know to look out for him.
Wherever you are Jacob, be that looking down on us, or snoozing on a sofa somewhere, be happy, be loved, you deserve that..... I hope you think of us sometime.
Because we think of you always.
