It's been a terribly quiet month, well apart from a lead about a dog that was supposedly a Bracco on a narrowboat called Max, that sadly transpired after 2 weeks of heart in mouth anticipation to be a Rough Coated Lurcher called Max.
I can't tell you, if you haven't been in these rather hard and uncomfortable "lost dog" shoes we are unfortunate enough to be wearing, you just wouldn't begin to believe what this leap of hope can do to you.
You lay awake at night and turn the events of a sighting or information over and over in your head, dissecting it piece by pieces for clues or what ifs.
The whole narrowboat Bracco of course had us thinking it was definitely going to be him as of course he had (in our minds) travelled up to Cambridge, along the canal to Ely, and further onwards having a great adventure until he was moored for the winter in Leeds.
Of course, none of that is even vaguely true, but in the dead of the night, things go through your head and you do believe it could, just could be true.
I don't get how this dog could possibly be seen or named as a Bracco though and as such I still worry about it. But a kind Spinone friend checked this out for us, and I know he can be trusted 100% and was even 'Sherlock' enough to show pics of the dog. Definitely a Rough Coated Lurcher. Damn it :-((
I was saying to Jon yesterday how I'm finding walking the dogs hard this time of year, especially now the weather is going back full circle to the winter months, the same cold, damp weather when Jacob went off.
The spring and the summer have gone, and now before we know it we are heading for Christmas and then onwards will come the dreaded anniversary 21st Jan 2010
I know it will come soon, and it's going to be hard to have that day come round once again.
I wish more than anything that someone will put Jacob on our doorstep on Christmas Eve with a big red bow round his head, saying they couldn't deprive him our love any more, and here he is, Merry Christmas.
Wouldn't that just be fantastic.
I know too that Ffion and Tim will be approaching their boy Sky's anniversary sooner than us.
I feel for them as I know just how hard this will be for them and the absolute efforts they have put in like us to find their boy.
I say it all the time, but these boys of our, how the hell can they just disappear off the planet I will never, EVER know.
Ffion and I do joke that they have met up around Huntingdon, and are now enjoying some party lifestyle with a couple of lost bitches somewhere.
Silly how you try to make the most out of a bad, bad situation when forced to.
I'm glad I met Ffion and Tim, out of this nightmare they are a good thing to have happened and we gratefully share the psychiatrists couch between us when needed.
There's something soothing about someone else being able to really know what your emotions are feeling, and how your heart breaks at every single sighting.
Will we both or either of us ever see our boys again ?
I wish I could say yes, I desperately want to believe they are out there, somewhere, but I just don't know any more, my heart says believe, my head says bury the worry, bury the angst, bury the desperation and hurt once and for all.....
But I can't, I just want to forever believe that maybe one day, just maybe, a call will come and we will be reunited.
I play that vision over in my head in the dead of the night, when I can't sleep for worrying or wondering. I even have 'written' the blog entry to you all here, telling you how overjoyed we are, and how mad we are for not believing he could make it home.
Hmmm..... I'll leave that cyber blog in my head, leave it on a back burner, somewhere safe, in case I might need it one day.
Most of all right now, as the months roll on, and winter sets us all by the computers a little more especially as the darker nights draw in, I would like to say Thank You to everyone here for their support, their kindness, their little comments and encouragement that really do help us get through each day.
It goes without saying that strength can come in many shapes and forms, and virtual strength for us has been overwhelming. For that I have to Thank You from the bottom of my heart.
Keep believing......
...and we'll continue to do the very same.
