I love the above photo of Jacob.
It's very special.
Not in a photographically perfect way you understand, it's far from 'pin sharp' or clear, but it's perfect because it's the very last photo I ever took of him.
It captures everything about him in one single shot. Friendly, happy, ever the accomplished hunter, constantly always looking to please.
That was Jacob. This photo is him.
A year has passed, and we have arrived to his one year missing anniversary.
I hate that word, an anniversary makes one think of a joyous occasion, a day of marked celebratory cheer, so can someone please tell me, how can a language so brilliantly complex as the the English language not have another word to mark the date of something that isn't necessarily a day of celebration I will never know.
All said and done, we are finding it harder to actually believe that we haven't seen our boy for that length of time.
I don't wish the months that we've just endured back don;t get me wrong, not ever will I wish for that, but I do wish I could rewind time enough to the 21st Jan 09 and allow us to make the things that happened that fateful day disappear in a puff of smoke.
(If that is the case, then I would also like to take a look at what did occur to him after he went off that fateful day..... but just so long as we can still rewind you understand)
I wish too that I knew he was safe, that he didn't perish to death or die at the hands of a reckless sharp shooter out on a days hunting thinking he was a deer.
I just wish I knew his fete, whatever it was or is.
Sadly there is no way of knowing, and no matter how much it torments us (and believe me it does) we still to this day will not let it rest, and still continue to alert people to him being missing .
I guess actually we always will live out some hope of us being reunited. It can and does happen to some fortunate souls.
As for marking the occasion, what can we do other than light the day with hope.
There's no box of ashes, no little marble stone to say 'he is here'.
Sometimes we feel that would be easier, but then we think that by putting him a wooden box (so to speak) we thoroughly extinguish the hopes of a phone call saying he has been found one day.
These renowned 'rose tinted glasses' that I wear sometimes give rise to thoughts (and hopes) that someone, somewhere finally has a conscious, finds his home address, and sits him on the doorstep overnight saying they have had him for a year, "Thank You very much, but here he is back, we're done".
That would be the best way to mark a year long "anniversary" and then at least we could happily use the word as it surely should have been intended for....for a celebration of life.
Wherever you are Jacob, stay safe, behave yourself, and know we think of you each and every day without fail.
We miss you more than you'll ever know.
