Highs, lows and conspiracy theories

For the past 2 days we seem to have gotten back onto the rollercoaster.

Although the silence was absolutely driving us both crazy, sometimes when you get third hand information, that could or could not be true, you feel you just cannot ignore it.

As such we have now been trying to locate local hunt kennels having been given information that Jacob was being held, not by the hunt individuals themselves, but by people that are in some way connected to them. I wont go into detail here, because I do believe that for the most part, those that are involved in the hunts around the local parts are good people, and really have absolutely no valid reason to be intent on having kept our dog on their premises.

The doubts we have of any involvement are really slim, but those on the 'outside' of the hunt, we need to eliminate from any involvement based on the information we have been given.

So, for 2 days we've postered and postered around the places the local hunt kennels are, and also around the areas where each hunt takes place.

We haven't gone in guns blazing and accusing anyone of anything, because we don't have any evidence of that. We are purely just trying to make another area aware that if he's out there, and someone has him, we are hot on their heels to find him.

Maybe someone knows something, maybe we're on another wild goose chase, but when you are intent and bloody desperate to find something you love and miss more than words can possibly say, you will grab at any straws that could offer a maybe..... or a means to an end.

We have spoken with our local gamekeeper, who has only to be applauded for the help and advice he offers to us very freely. He himself has said he would be ashamed if it were found that someone locally had been involved in any way with Jacob's disappearance. I know he really thinks that too. He would be really genuinely upset.

We were given information from a few people today that know the local hunts people and also those involved. They will make enquiries for us where we could never do.

It's knowing that they can ask about and do that in the right way that makes things an awful lot easier for us.

We don't believe deep down that these people are holding our dog, our minds race with possibilities like no tomorrow, but I don't see that there are any real reasons as to why they would need to keep him.

Jacob is entire, but i'm sure he wouldn't be the first choice for most to choose to mate a dog with. It would only offer a cross, effectively a mongrel, as if they chose to try to breed a Bracco to Bracco we would be alerted in a heartbeat. It just wouldn't happen.

So, you see their are many things swimming around like time bombs in my head, waiting to explode into a 'what if' scenario.

Sometimes these days I find it hard not to imagine many things. Conspiracy theories, where he can be, who is with, why he is with them. I also have these awful visions of him lying somewhere curled up, helpless, broken and dead. That breaks my heart because we should be there for him, we are his protectors, and we feel we have truly let him down. That's a bitter pill to swallow I can't tell you.

I know, i'm sorry, this blog is just reading like a bad luck story these last few days, and i'm really very conscious of that. I wish so much I could write it in an upbeat manner, it would read so much nicer than this.

I do try to make light of the situation where I can, and try to reason it's not all doom and gloom, and yes, I know there are people out there in much more awful and desperate situations than this will ever be. But to us, this is a crisis, and we make absolutely no apologies for treating it as such.

Right now we feel well and truly fed up and very sad, we don't want much, we're not asking for thousands of pounds, diamonds or new cars, we just want our dog back, there's nothing else, surely that's not much to ask ?

We just need to resume normal life, go back to enjoying it, rather than just going to bed wondering and worrying what tomorrow will bring, and whether it'll be yet another crazy day of plastering another place with missing posters.

We just hope tomorrow will be the day that cures all this grief and heartache.

I so hope so, I hope that Wendy is right, that he will come home soon.

I can't tell you that that day just can't come soon enough.